|"Its A Good Life!" Written By William Bone. |
Welcome to another addition of my column, the award winning columnist is back to give you more of what you want, I would like to welcome other readers too, not only do we have willswideweb readers, but there are also many readers who will be reading this in “The Basement” the new magazine that will be launching in Epping Forest College and lets face it, what would a magazine be without me being a writer for it? I don’t think anyone in college actually cares about the magazine, but once they all find out what a wonderful talented writer I am, I am sure the magazine will fly off the college shelves just like the sweets do in the college tuck shop.
First of all, let me tell you readers about myself, so what is my name? Will, what do I do? I go college, what do I do in college? Nothing. Why do I go college? Who knows why? anyways, I am 18 years old, I am dead sexy, and sorry girls I’m taken, I am a cool guy who likes to be funny, or at least tries to be funny. Either-way you will get your money worth, 50p to read my column? It’s a bargin!
So where shall I start? First of all let me say that this column will be focusing on all different type of things, such as rants, the latest in the world of news and just about anything really, so ill start with college, after all, about 10 people will be reading this in college, so ill just say something so I can make your day, so how did you get this College magazine? Did you get it in the little small shop for 50p, where just about everything else in there costs about the same, like, a small Kit-Kat, 50p, when you can buy a full size one for 30p in a newsagent, I guess the college needs to catch up with the times, chocolate bars are not 50p anymore, infact chocolate bars never were 50p, so if you happen to run the college tuck shop and by the odd chance you happen to be reading this, take some advice, reduce the costs of a Kit Kat to say…25p and you will get more people buying them…infact reduce everything to 25p and we can all be happy, by the way, I don’t actually care how much it is, if I wanted something, id pay pennies, pounds or notes for it, but I know there’s people who wont spend money after all the college is meant to benefit the students right?
Right, what's going on in the world? War with Iraq? Its gonna happen sooner or later, so by the time you read this, it will either be edited out the magazine or war would be over, YES I mean over, this is modern times, I don’t think the war will last longer than two days, I mean what on earth can Iraq do anyway? Last I heard they only have one missile, so it wouldn’t be a war, it would just be an attack, its like a fight, its not a fight if you punch someone, it’s a fight if they hit you back on the nose…war is stupid, it solves nothing and I am not talking anymore about it…I’m over it!
How did your valentines day go? Ok, let’s not talk about it.
What bugs you? What really gets on your nerves? What makes you want to open your window and jump out of it? Well, I will tell you what really gets on my nerves and I will tell you what makes me feel like jumping out my window when I get home from a stressful day, first off, old people, now what's wrong with old people? Well, there’s plenty wrong with them, they great people don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it can be annoying, I mean, take this for example, I get on the bus for two stops and then you get like a huge line of old people all with their orange freedom bus passes all getting on the bus for one stop, now you probably thinking that I am one to talk because I get a bus for two stops, but at least I pay 70p for two stops, old people slow transport down, if you don’t believe me, then once you have thrown this magazine in the bin, go to your local bus-stop and get on a bus you will see how right I am. Want to know more things that bug me? Well, buy the next issue of “The Basement” for “The Things That Bug Me, Part Two”.
Onto sports, can our country win anything? Can England win anything at all, anything? Why out of all the countries in the world do we have to be the worst at sports, didn’t a country with no water have a swimmer who beat us in the Olympics? No? Well I bet a swimmer from a country without water could beat us, this country is useless, well on a bright note we have the premiership and as the football season comes to a finale who will become the champions of the premier league? Can the Arse do it again, can they re-win the double can they do the treble? They look on form to do it, but what about Man Who? Can Rudd Van Dive-a-lot win Man Who the quadruple? Can Man Who take the championship back to Old Trafford? Or will the Arse keep the trophy at Highbury? And can the Arse go to Old Trafford and win the champions league? Or will Man Who win the trophy they won back in 1999 at there own ground? It’s all up for grabs and anything can happen and I am sure that we are in for many twists and turns, and by the time this Magazine is published I'm sure one of the two teams would be clear leaders…so forget everything I just said.
What do you call a sheep tied to a tree in Wales? A Leisure Centre.
Anyway, can someone please tell me what's going on in the music chart? It seems to me as if it gets more worse as the weeks go by, when you get records like Tatu topping the chart for over a week. And other bands such as busted getting high in the chart, it makes you wonder, what kind of people buy this trash, who even buys music anymore anyway? Answer me this reader, when was the last time you went into your record music shop and bought a cassette tape of a single song? We all buy albums now, and most importantly we all buy CD’s now too, most people, most sensible people (yes you the reader) download music anyway, from the likes of Kazaa, I guess it can be said that the reason for trash songs at the top of the chart is because people don’t buy records anymore, they download them or buy copied versions, which leaves the tasteless people like me buying the likes of Tatu singles. Ok I was kidding, I don’t buy music, I download it.
Ill finish this high 5 star waste of space column by thanking YOU the readers for buying the Basement, YOU the reader for actually bothering to read the column, and YOU the reader for actually throwing the Basement in the bin and ripping out my column to treasure for life, Thanks also go out to my online readers on WillsWideWeb. To all the basement readers who want to actually read more of my fantastically written columns, you can do so by visiting my website (www.willswideweb.co.uk), you can also join the forums and interact with other people across the internet...until next time readers, YOU ‘will’ read it, YOU ‘will’ like it, and YOU ‘will’ come back for more because no one and I mean no one can write a column like Will does and if you can write a better column than I can then PROVE it, and try and fire me! If you want to give me any feedback, any feedback at all, then you can send an email to: email@example.com.
…these are Wills Words, I look forward to hearing from you the Reader, ill see you in the next edition! Will…Signing out.